Fortitude comes from laughter and perspective

St. Joseph’s New Hope, my home Catholic parish in Minnesota, hosted a book reading and signing this summer for my book, Some People Even Take Them Home” A Disabled Dad, A Down Syndrome Son and Our Journey To Acceptance.

The event was my favorite book event so far. More than a 100 old friends, new acquaintances and the just curious turned out to hear me read and explain passages from the book. Just like the book, there was laughter, plenty of tears and, I hope, some wisdom. There were also questions. Some of those were probing and provocative.

A mother of a severely cognitive delayed child, who had obviously had a difficult trial raising her son, rose to tell me her challenge and then asked, “Where do you get your fortitude?” Nobody had ever asked me that question before and I had no glib answer. I briefly thought about fortitude as a gift from the universe, but that felt like a cheap, unhelpful answer.

Uncertain of exactly where I was heading I told the searching woman, “It starts with laughter.” I think that is a key message in my book. You always have the choice to cry but that brings down you and everyone around you. When you laugh the world grows bigger. There is suddenly more space for courage, grit and affection.  Some people have commented that some of our family humor was rude. Walk in those shoes, baby, and I will show you rude. The dictionary defines humor as “a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement.” Another definition says humors are “peculiar features; oddities; quirks.” Any parent of a developmentally delayed or developmentally disabled child will tell you there are more “peculiar features, oddities and quirks” in raising such a child than there are Minnesota mosquitoes. Those oddities can drive you insane with frustration or you can laugh at them and make them your friend. For me and my family that laughter was a critical source of any fortitude we managed.

Then my answer wavered just a bit until I suddenly got the courage to tell that small crowd that, for me, fortitude is all about how I choose to look at life. In a way that I had never expressed before I talked about attitude.

I asked the group to let me make an illustrative assumption about their day. I said “let’s say 10 things happened to you today. I dare say seven of those were very good things. Nice happy moments of minor triumphs and joys.” I went on. “I will also guess that about three things that happened today were bad–everything from a flat tire to an overly-critical boss to a minor slight by a friend.”

I then observed that the difference among most of us is the choice we make about what to focus on at the end of our day. Are we obsessed with the three bad things or do we find solace and victory in those seven good things?

For me, celebrating those seven nice moments gives me the strength or, if you will, the fortitude, to power past the tough challenges and truly enjoy this earthly journey.

Happily, the woman nodded in agreement.

One thought on “Fortitude comes from laughter and perspective

  1. Well said, Tim. Iam now helping to care for 3 generations from a 5 year old Grandson to a 95 year old Mother. There are moments when I wonder if I will get thru the day. Then the 5 year old gives me a puppy kiss and hug and changes my attitude for the remainder of the day.

    Like

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